Healing Through a Wounded Heart
(some inspirational (hopefully) compositions for healing through a wounded heart)
-Darkest Parts of Self of ME
I find myself in my worst states emotionally when I allow my darkest parts of self to become ME. They come disguised as great protectors, rulers of justice and truths; but given too much power, I crumble underneath. My dark parts are neurotic and controlling. Their intent is to try to protect my greatest wounds, my greatest fears-Fear of abandonment, fear of rejection, fear of not enough. But in that protection, they push everything and everyone I love away….Including ME.
-Sitting Next to Sadness
Sadness in an interesting thing. We often try to avoid it by running from it; only to become tired-Feeling no more strength to fight anymore giving into the waves, drowning in it; Or we try put up arms and fight it until our sadness is no longer recognized as sadness but is over shadowed by anger and locked hidden beneath barricades of rage. Sitting with our sadness means trusting that we will be ok. Allowing our egos dissolve in the salty water of our tears. Putting our hands in the coldness of it gently swishing through it like our hands in a river going downstream. Watching, feeling as the sadness flows through us. Nurturing uncomfortableness, but knowing we will be alright. Knowing that the tears that we share with the river will not become barriers that allow the river to rise and drown us; but rather create a force that allows us to get through the rocks and dams that lie ahead.
-Worth
I found my worth today. She was hidden by boxes of sadness and grief. She was buried in generational messages of women being marginalized, spoken down to, disregarded, and abused. When I found her, I dusted her off and acknowledged her, “there you are!” She whispered back, “I have been here all along.” I asked, “Why didn’t you let me know?” At which she whispered, “When I called out, you questioned me and brought others in to determine my existence and when they uttered -that’s not your worth, you possess none, you believed them and set me back down.” I apologized for not seeing her and allowing others to define her. I then sat with her, getting to know her again. I reminisced when she was with me-at times of solace and at times I felt my most free. I, again, apologized for leaving her behind. I vowed to set her free, at which point she whispered to me, “oh no my love it is I who will free you!”
-I am Sad; Know That
I am sad that I could not heal you. I am sad because my heart cannot hold both your pain and my joy as the behavior from your pain damages my heart and shadows my joy. I am sad that I cannot be your light and in order to heal, you have to walk alone in the darkness. I am sad….but know -that regardless of my pain and the sadness that it creates, I will be encouraging you on from a far. Know that my love for you will forever be etched in the cosmos. Know that I gift the energy of that love to you to hold and use as a beacon of strength when needed. Know that even through my pain, I understand. Know that I am sad, but I know.
-Breathe Again
Someday, I will breathe again; But today my breaths are shallow-Desperately waiting for the wounds of my heart to heal so the breath will not get trapped within the craters of emptiness or cut the raw edges of sorrow like shards of glass. I know someday I will find the deepness of of my breath refreshing and welcoming to the joy that has been trapped beneath the wounded cracks…But today, it hurts to breathe.